A few days ago, a color conspiracy, enacted by women, swept over the social webs to raise awareness and at the same time, pull one over on us men. So now more than ever seems like the appropriate moment to publish an excerpt from the longest ‘short’ story I’ve ever written, but decided not to complete. (I happen to be working on something more important right now). Never the less, rather than leaving this to collect dust, I’ve decided to share with you these little wisdoms and what fascinating things the colors of lingerie have to reveal:

Little Black Books

One of the main characters in the story –  a man –  has a tradition amongst his friends, that every time one of them gets married, they have to hand over their little black book to one of the left over bachelors. It’s their way of closing a chapter in their lives. And when they do, they also have to write down in it, a lesson learnt, and worth passing on, that gives an insight in to the mystery, that beholds every woman.

Our character happens to be the last man to remain unmarried. As such, he has managed to acquire all the life lessons of his tied down friends. Of course, not all these lessons are to be taken seriously and many of them are either childish, or either clichés, rather than useful real life lessons. The classic cliché among them being that the perfect breast size is a handful. No more, no less. Clichés are the words of amateurs.

So one of the more intriguing lessons he received, was passed on to him by a friend who was a real player in his day. From his experience, every woman has a distinct style in the way she makes love to a man. He never really took much notice to it, until it started to dawn upon him that one can tell how a woman is in bed beforehand, simply by looking at the color of the lingerie she’s wearing.  And so came about the men’s guide to color theory:

The First Principle: What’s hidden, is most revealing.

The first principle of the theory, even though it is based on an old joke,  remains relevant, because it holds a grain of truth:

As a man shuts the door behind him – as he leaves for a date with the girl of his dreams –  he can only wonder if he’ll get lucky that night.

When a woman shuts the door behind her –  as she is about to embark on the same date with the man of her dreams – she already knows.

Women, in general, always have the last say. So when they do say ‘yes’, they come prepared. And that includes all layers of fashion, from the shoes on her feet, to the dress she is wearing, and the undergarments beneath it. You can be sure that of all her lingerie, she’ll pick her best set that will surely make her feel sexy, and at the least, unembarrassed when the time comes to reveal her true curves. Lingerie says more about themselves, than it does about the person they are trying to impress.

The Second Principle: The different styles of sex.

The second principle of the theory states that sex is like dancing. They come in many forms and styles.  Some people are great dancers, others just shuffle with their feet. Some of us will try out different forms, while the rest us will stick with what we know.  So you can always expect that when you place someone who is dressed like hip hopper on the dance floor, he’ll hip hop. Only a few will dare to tango when the music changes. Same goes for sex. Though we might role play and try some different things to add some spice to the romance, it’s hard to leave our distinctive styles of making love to the same partner.

It also explains why a man in a perfectly happy relationship with a very experienced partner would still cheat on her. It’s not that he’s looking for something better. Sometimes, he just wants to boogie rather than salsa all the time. And of course, the same goes for her motives to do the same. But before you start thinking, just keep in mind, that when it comes to sex and relationships, few are as forgiving to ask, you save the last dance.

The Third Principle: The color guide.

Just like one is inclined to dress according to how they dance, so to do women choose their best lingerie in harmony to the way they make love. But until I’ve taken part in rigorous scientific tests to ensure that the given results are indeed correct, these observations are best not taken too seriously.

Scarlet Red:

Scarlet red is young at heart, eager to please, but inexperienced. Her idea of sex is formed by what she has seen on the silver screen, and influenced by what she reads in ladies magazines. Therefore scarlet red acts the part of the seductress, believing that this is the path to passion. She has a lot to learn

Bordeaux Red:

It would seem that the color red turns darker with the benefit of experience. Lady Bordeaux no longer makes love in a fashion that she thinks is expected of her, but has discovered that she too is an involved partner. Sex is no longer an act, but a form of art in which she plays center stage. Not only is she a master seductress, she will equally demand – and will even be quite vocal about it – that her needs are met as well. In return, Lady Bordeaux might even teach you a thing or two.

Black

Black may very well be the most complex of all colors to decipher. A discerning gentleman must take note, not just of color alone, but also of texture and garment, if he is to determine what he is letting himself into.

Plain Black Cotton:

Miss Black Cotton, just like Scarlet Red, still lacks experience between the sheets. But while the one seeks passion, the other is wild and raw. For in the mind Black Cotton – whom has still to discover that her body has much more to offer – sex is a no nonsense affaire. Foreplay is formality. She would much rather get to the point. Intercourse is the climax she’s hunting for and she’ll ride you like a wild stallion to achieve it. Stubborn, she is difficult to teach and unwilling to be introduced new things. Hopefully time will turn her into a better lover, but for now, you’ll have to make do. It takes stamina to endure her lust.

On the other hand, Miss Black Cotton, could also be an adventurer in hostile conditions, wearing black for practical reasons. As such, she may not really be showing her true colors. Did I already mention that black is a tricky color?

Black Lace:

Of all colors, Lady Blake Lace may be the most classic of them all. She enjoys a bit of everything, but not too much of anything. Although not afraid to experiment, she avoids extremes and prefers moderation. In her heart, meaning is more important than style or adventure. She does not have sex, but instead makes love. And so for her, missionary is not just acceptable, but respectable. Her on top is sufficiently empowering. And to spice things up, there is always doggy for a touch of naughty. And to complete the list, a spoon will make her swoon.

And while it’s not necessarily technical skills that will impress her, it’s quite ok to introduce new positions into play, as long as they are not too complicated or straining. Just keep in mind that with Lady Black Lace, it’s the feeling that counts. It’s the little attentions that make her happy.

Black Velvet: (& Violet aswell)

You will need to keep an open mind when faced with little Miss Velvet. She’s a tad eccentric and possibly even borderline fetish. She lives in a spiritual world, one filled with candles and symbolism. Sex is something she takes seriously. For her, setting and mood is important, almost to the point it is ritual like. With her, it’s probably never boring. You might find yourself with her in strange places, or discover that a full moon is a reason to dive into bed, or an open field.

Blue

Blue is for the girl who is driven by her fantasies. She has a clear idea of what she wants and will settle for no less. She won’t compromise for something else. Unlike with Lady Black, Blue really appreciates style. It’s also very likely that the film “Dirty Dancing” was a moment of epiphany during her formative years.

Deep Blue:

Lady Deep Blue’s state of mind can probably no better be described than by Kylie Minogue’s song “Slow“. For making love to Lady Deep Blue is an intense affair, slow, and with each other’s eyes locked in an embracing gaze. She’s not the type to spill any words when making love. One must communicate with subtle gestures as not to interrupt the flow of the moment.

Pale Blue:

Miss Pale Blue is infatuated by the exotic. It’s probably her curiosity that may have initially driven her to try something a out of the ordinary, but along the way, must have realized that men from exotic places not only dance differently, they also make love differently. And in that sense, to Miss Pale Blue, sex is just a continuation in bed of something that started on the dance floor. As such, making love to her is no simple affair. Especially for us men who are accustomed to doing only a single thing at a time. It requires skill, rhythm and agility. Just like any exotic dance, every part of your body has remain in motion and in sync with hers: moving, grinding, flowing, feeling.

And so the next time you hear the phrase “Once you go black, you never go back”, size may not be the real reason, and more likely the initial sales pitch.

Yellow:

Yellow is a sex kitten and a rare find. She is acutely aware of her seductive prowess and knows very well how to put her skills to good use. She has a natural born talent in winding men around her finger using just her charm. Unsurprisingly, most women see her as a threat.

Sex with little Miss Yellow is an experience its own right. One might as well just sit back and enjoy as she takes full control and plays you like a toy. She is very assertive in bed, constantly teasing, seducing and having a ball. Don’t be surprised to find yourself gasping for air as you try to keep up with her antics. And it’s probably because she enjoys sex so much she’s surprisingly experienced for her age.

Mixed Match:

Miss Mixed Match doesn’t really care about how she looks. Why spend time and money on lingerie if it’s going to end up on the bedroom floor within seconds anyway? Miss Mixed is the girl next door, and may even be a little bit of a tomboy. For she prefers the company of boys rather than girls. Sex with her is a playful game: something not to be taken too seriously. She’s the girl who is most likely to initiate a cushion fight while making out and will end up wrestling with, before continuing what you started.

Orange:

Pop open a Heineken and celebrate. It’s very likely Miss Orange is a Dutch girl out on a special occasion.

White

It goes without saying that white is the color of innocence and for whom sex is not taken to lightly. In fact, making love to a lady white is like signing a contract of long term commitment.

White Cotton:

Miss White Cotton is the inexperienced clumsy partner in bed. Her insecurity makes her feel a bit nervous and perhaps even somewhat passive. But that does not necessarily mean you’ll have bad sex, quite the contrary. She’s probably the type that will later evolve into becoming a Black Lace lady as her confidence grows. Success with Miss White Cotton is measured by meaning and feeling rather than by technical skill. With her, something as simple as missionary can be magical. But trying anything too complicated or ambitious may very well end up in disaster.

White Lace:

Miss White Lace is the make-believe virgin. She has probably had more prior lovers than she’s willing to admit, but this time round, she’s sure you’re the one. And you better make sure that is the case or there will be hell to pay. As such, making love to her is a bit of a neurotic experience. A rollercoaster ride. Any hint that may endanger your relationship or make her feel insecure will spell trouble. Emotionally, she’s high maintenance. But if you love the passion of big fights followed by making-up sex, she’s your girl.

Pink or Peach

Miss Pink is naively romantic and preciously passive. If in bed, she shows any sign of initiative, it’ll be for hugs and cuddles. Otherwise, she’ll expect you to take the lead and do all the work. If you don’t know any better, have low expectations or simply love always being in control, then perhaps, she’s a dream. Otherwise, she’ll quickly tire with little chance of the both of you living happily ever after.

Deep Purple:

You Tarzan, she Jane! Miss Deep Purple is a jungle girl. She’s into rough wild animal sex. Loud and energetic, it takes quite some endurance to keep up with her as she shows you all four corners of the room. If you ever wanted to try out every position described in the Kama sutra, she’s probably the woman you want to take along with you on this crazy venture. And a wild ride it would be.

Emerald Green:

Unless she’s Irish, Mrs. Emerald Green is the wedding ring amongst the lingerie colors. She already in a relationship with a partner or a husbands somewhere. So if by chance, you should come across her, it’s most likely she’s just out for a fling. Mrs.Emerald Green is seeking a brief encounter of excitement to spice up her life. Making love to her can quickly become a strange cocktail of fantasy, seduction, control and guilt (and possibly even jealous partners). You just can’t tell what you’re getting yourself into with Emerald Green.

In Conclusion

And with that overview, I leave you with just one final question. What is your favorite color? ;)

Introduction

Is it possible to imagine a truly new and distinct color? A color that cannot be derived from any of the existing colors we already know?

I’ve tried, and to date, I’ve failed. But I haven’t quite given up yet. And so the goal of this article is to detail my quest in search of this unknown and illusive new color. To do so, we must delve into the world of colors and learn how we perceive them all around us. But first, I want to make clear what it is I’m trying to do.

I want a new color.

I’m not talking about discovering a new tint of red, or giving name to a peculiar shade called ocean-green-berry-blue. No, what I want is an entirely new primary color. Let me clarify:

An Example

Imagine the experience of living your entire life in a black-and-white world. The only colors you know are black, white and grays. Without problem, you would be able to dream up a new shade of gray, even if you had never actually seen it before. It’s just a matter of mixing the colors you already know, in this case black and white. With that, predicting a new shade shouldn’t be too difficult. For example: mix a lot of white paint with a bit of black, and you know you’ll get light gray.

Now imagine that in this black-and-white world, you’re one day presented with the color red. Prior to this experience, you hadn’t even fathomed that such a color could exist. And even if you did know of such a color, and even if it was explained to you before hand, you still wouldn’t have known what red looked like until you saw it with your own two eyes. It would have been like trying to explain colors to a blind man.

Now the big question is, after discovering red in your otherwise black and white world, could you then sit down, close your eyes, and imagine a completely new color? Such as green for example?

To answer my question, I did just that. I shut my eyes, and tried to imagine a new primary color. I quickly realized this wasn’t easy at all. I could randomly picture new colors in my mind, but they were always derivatives of the colors I already knew. But somehow, I wasn’t able to create something new out of nothing. My brain would only allow me to create colors I was actually capable of describing. This is a major short coming of how our minds work if you ask me. And so if I am ever going to achieve my goal of imagining a new color, I will have to find a way to outsmart my own brain.

So instead of randomly trying to dream up a new color, I’ve decided to try out a new approach. I am going to design a new color and give it certain properties, so my mind will at least be able to describe it, even if I’m not yet able to actually picture it. But to do that, I will first have to start with the basics: how do we see colors?

The Source of our Colors: Light

The light we see around us is in fact electromagnetic (EM) radiation. You could say that they are little bits of quantum energy, flying about at the speed of light. But the truth is, we don’t really know. Scientists are still debating on whether light travels as waves, little photon particles, or a combination of both. It could even be something entirely different. What we do know is that the human eye is only able to see a tiny fraction of the electromagnetic spectrum. At one end of the measurable spectrum, we have gamma rays, and at the other, we’ll find radio waves. Somewhere in between of all this, we have visible light.

The reason our eyes have adapted to only seeing a small range of the EM spectrum, is probably an evolutionary thing. That portion of the spectrum was the only part to penetrate our atmosphere and the ocean waters when we were still swimming about as fish. Once we did get out of the water, our evolutionary ancestors never really bothered to expand the reach of our vision. A missed opportunity if you ask me. Birds for example did do just that and they can not only see the colors we do, they’re also able to see in the ultra violet range. As a result, they may very well be able to see a lot more colors then we do, but more on that later. First, let’s go crazy…

X-Ray Vision

There is no inherent difference between the visible light we see and for example the signals sent to your radio. And even though we can’t see a radio wave directly with our own eyes; for all practical purposes, it too can be considered as being light. Radio Telescopes are a good example of this. Scientists use these special telescopes to register light from outer space with longer wavelengths than those that would otherwise not be detectable by their optical counterparts. Either that, or they’re just trying to listen to radio station hosted by aliens on other planets.

Indirectly, we are able to see beyond our vision. Think of x-ray scanners at the doctor or at the airport. We use night vision goggles to better see in the dark, and then there is the whole field of infrared photography.

But imagine our eyes did evolve to encompass the entire electromagnetic spectrum. Not only would this be a truly amazing feat, our world would also look entirely different.

So how would our world look like if we could actually view a larger scope of the spectrum? Let us say you are at home and you’re hungry. You decide to heat up some left over spaghetti from last night in the microwave. When you switch it on and look through its window, you’ll see it emitting light in the microwave range. But the cool thing is, you can also see how hot your food is getting by the intensity of the infrared light it is giving off. It takes out some of the guesswork while cooking your food.

And while you wait for your spaghetti to heat up, you see you’re about to get a call. You’re mobile is emitting a beam of light to a nearby cell tower which you can see beyond your walls glowing in the distance like lamp post. It’s your friend on the phone asking you to turn on the radio. A song dedicated to you is about to be aired live on your favorite station. Simply by looking at how the light from radio waves is being absorbed by metallic objects (it passes through all the rest like glass), you can actually see where in your home you’ll get the best reception. Same is true for the reception of your mobile, you wi-fi connection, TV and GPS. In fact, you would also have night vision, be able to look through clothes. Of course, everybody would be able to see through your clothes as well. And you would also have x-ray vision. Though for the latter, you’ll still need a source that emits x-rays. Something you don’t want to do too often. But it’s time we headed back to reality.

How Our Eyes Detect Light

Being able to detect electromagnetic radiation is one thing, but sorting them into colors is another. For that, we have to look at how our eyes register light. We have two kinds of photoreceptors: rods and cones. The rod receptors aren’t capable of detecting color, but they are very sensitive to light, making them especially useful in the dark. They do however need time to readjust when light levels change. This is especially apparent when you move from a well lit room into the darkness. At first, everything will appear black, but after a while, your vision will improve and you’ll be able to make out more things in the dark. More interestingly, rod receptors aren’t able to detect red light and therefore its light sensitivity won’t be affected by it. So if you’re out on the prowl at night with a torch, it’s actually better to use a red beam of light instead of white as it won’t affect your night vision. It’s also the same reason why some car manufacturers use red dashboard lights.

Cone receptors work best in daylight and are responsible for our color vision. There are three types of cone receptors, each able to pick up specific wavelengths. One is primarily responsible for red, one for green and another for blue. A chemical inside our photoreceptors turn photons into an electrical signal. That signal is then sent to our brain, and it is in here that the actual colors are formed. And when the cones in the same region are triggered, but in different wavelengths, our brains will mix those primary colors and form new ones in the process. Red and green signals will for example form the color yellow.

We see this best when looking at rainbow where we are presented with the whole range of spectral colors from violet on one end, to red on the other. And when our red, green and blue receptors are all triggered at the same time at full intensity, we see the color white.

Loopholes in our vision system:

It’s all very well to know how our eyes work, but if I am going to design a new color, we may need to figure out if there are any loopholes in our vision system. Luckily, they do exist.

The Whiter than White Mystery

The first oddity I’ll put forward are the fluorescent colors. Why are they odd you ask? Well, normally, when light hits an object, it can do three things: pass right through it, get absorbed and or be reflected. For example, if you wanted to reflect all light, you could shine it on a mirror.

Fluorescent colors on the other hand reflect more light from their surface than what they’re actually receiving. Quite a feat when we consider we’re not dealing with a light emitting source here. How is this possible? It’s actually absorbing light from the ultra-violet spectrum and then converts it to visible light before reflecting it back. The same process happens when for example you leave a black bag out in the sun. When visible light hits it, it is converted to heat which is then radiated in the infrared spectrum. So within the visible light range, our black bag will look dark, but will appear bright in the infrared range.

Detergents

That is pretty much what is happening with fluorescent colors, but in the opposite direction from the perspective of our visible spectrum. Instead of appearing darker like our black bag, fluorescents will actually appear brighter than any other surrounding color. This interesting property is also used in washing detergents. Special dyes are added to convert ultraviolet light into visible light making your white clothes appear whiter than they actually are, though maybe not necessarily cleaner.

Office Paper

Similar dyes are also used in office paper. Place it against any other white object and it should appear brighter and whiter. In fact, it will have a blue-violet shine to it. A sign that it is bordering on the verge of the ultra-violet spectrum.

Toothpaste

The most interesting example of such dyes is in the use of teeth whiteners. This is where applied color theory really shines through. Teeth are naturally yellow looking. If you add white to it, you will either have to use a very opaque paint or all you’ll get is lighter tint of yellow. However, another way of neutralizing a color is by adding its complementary color to it. And the complementary color for yellow happens to be blue. It’s by no accident that your toothpaste maybe entirely blue or contain traces of it. Your teeth will not only look brighter as a result, but will also appear whiter without looking too unnatural.

And while this may all be very fascinating, I’ve so far failed to see an immediate way to exploit this particular loophole to my advantage. So lets move on…

The Magenta Mystery

When we split white light through a prism, or an elaborate rainbow, we can see the individual colors flowing from red to violet. They represent all the colors in the visible range of the EM spectrum. Yet one color is missing: magenta. Magenta is not part of the spectrum at all, yet we are still able to distinguish it. How is this possible?

When we see a color that is a mix of both red and violet wavelengths – which are at both ends of the spectrum – our brain can do one of two things. Either it represents this mixed color as something in between these two wavelengths(green for example), or it invents an entirely new color. The fact that we are able to see magenta, is proof that our brain has chosen to do the latter. So even though red and violet are at opposite ends of the spectrum, magenta makes it possible to link them making our color system look like a closed loop.

Prior to this knowledge, one could argue that the colors we see are not properties of our mind, but are based in the physical world around us. I’m not that inclined to believe that anymore. And the fact that magenta is unarguably a fictional color, gives me hope that our brains may be able to create more fictional colors.

Sounds promising? In Part II (coming soon), we’ll be wondering if birds see white when we do, and then I’ll go on to explain how I plan to design my new and novel color called Qualia.