Once in a while, something worthwhile can be seen on television. Yesterday, Canvas not only aired the quirky love story “Steve + Sky“, but  also several pretty good short films. In my opinion, it’s something they should do more often.  Even though shorts are perfect for the internet, they are not always easy to track down.

Passion

One short I did manage to find on the net was actually the Oscar nominated “Tanghi Argentini” (subtitles). It is not the first tango short film I’ve mentioned here, but I guess it’s a subject that lends itself well to telling short passionate stories.

In Tanghi Argentini, an office clerk, after having landed himself a date with a woman he met on the internet,  finds he has only two weeks to learn the tango if he want to make an impression on her. Having never danced before, he enlists the help of one of his colleagues to help him learn the dance of passion. The big question is: will he be able to convince his date he has been a Tango dancer all his life? As with all good shorts, it ends with a twist. So watch it here.

Learning the Tango

While two weeks is indeed very short to master this dance, this is in many ways how it was taught 19th century.  Only, it usually took a bit longer than just two fortnights. Before a young boy could actually step on the dance floor and impress the ladies, he would first have to find a more experienced male dancer to teach him. First he would have to watch and observe the more skilled dancers, than learn how to follow (the woman’s part), and only when he got that down could he be taught to lead. Once he got all that down, a process that could take up to three years, would he now be able to dance with an actual real woman.

You can choose your friends.

Of one of the other shorts shown yesterday, “De Onbaatzuchtigen” (The Altruists / no subtitles), I was only able to find a fragment. You might have heard of the phrase: “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family”. Well, in this short film, you can. As a matter of fact, every member of the family can be sold or bought as long as the rest of the family agrees. Though never explicitly mentioned, in this society, prestige and wealth is exhibited by the size of a family unit and the qualities of each member. Showing off to the other families is done by the daily walks on the street with the entire family together.

A member of one family, who like the rest, constantly lives in fear that the others will tire of him and sell him off, decides to play his cards in such a way, that only he is left. After realizing he is now alone, he gets himself a dog for companionship. Someone he can trust won’t sell him off if they ever disagree.

Play the Modern Times Game! The idea for this game came to me in a dream. It is based on a scene from Modern Times, a Charlie Chaplin film. It’s the one where Chaplin is working on an assembly line, mind numbingly screwing in bolts with a spanner until he finally goes mad.

What inspired me most is the fact that reality simulation games are ever so popular nowadays, especially on Facebook. I can understand that running your own virtual farm can be considered challenging and rewarding is some way. Having to regularly clean your online aquarium on the other hand is starting to move in Tamagotchi land.

But when I saw my sister the other day playing a game where you have to make hamburgers in a fast food restaurant, that too me just seemed a tad absurd. Nobody enjoys doing this demeaning tasks in real life, yet once it is moved into the virtual realm, it all of sudden becomes fun and games.

And so I’ve created the ultimate reality game. Yes, like Charlie Chaplin in the film, you too can become a factory worker on an assembly line at the time of the depression. In order to play this game, you need to switch your mind to zero and get to work.

Like a real job, each level takes 12 hours to complete. You are however afforded a break half way through during each working day. So it does take some endurance to complete each shift in one go, but keep in mind that you are rewarded for your hard work. I believe the pay is about ten dollars an hour. But the last time I played, the work pace was upped meaning you’ll probably earn more if you don’t get fired for slacking. So it’s not like your earning minimum wage here and it may even be worth giving up your day job just to play it.

Ironically, it takes longer to play a single shift of this game than it took me to actually create it.

Have fun. ;)

Logorama is a pulp fictionesque animation contrived completely out of logo’s. You have to watch it once, and then watch it again, the second time freeze framing a single frame at a time to notice every single detail such as Pink Floyds The Wall or the colonel himself serving at his own KFC and so much more… really well done.

Hello! My name is Anara and I would like to start a conversation with you. I hope that you will answer me. I would like to know more about you and see some of your pictures as well.

I live in Russia and I am 27 years old now. I hope to see the only serious intentions from you, not the game or just the desire to hold your fun time for our conversation.

With respect and a desire to see your reply soon, Anara.

P.S. I hope that we will be able to speak English, the language I know well, but I’m ready to learn French in the future!

One thing I’ve learnt about Russian girls is that they all seek the creation of serious relationships. Though I’m not sure what Victoriya is implying. Is she suggesting we make kids first as a way of getting to know each other?

My name is Viktoriya
I like your profile! I would like to get acquainted with you and I want find out you better. I search for the man for creation of serious relations.
I would like to tell a little about myself, I the kind, fair and loving person, I very much like kids. I am assured we could to get acquainted.

I can send you my photos and tell you more about myself..
I will wait your letter..

Maybe it’s because Russian girls are so into creating things that I find their letters so appealing. I happen to be a creative person too! And Amarina gets straight to the point.

Hello!
Your profile has interested me more than the others, therefore I have decided to write to you. I the usual girl searching for serious relations, for family creation. I very much would like to get acquainted with you.
I hope that you will not leave my letter without the answer.

Apparantly, I’m in some Russian Internet Dating agency database, though I haven’t been able to track it down yet. That would also explains all the love letters. I can only wonder what it says about me to attract so much willful attention. And Tanya is no exception. She’s even offering me the BIG LOVE! How can you say no to that? Though I have to admit, I am a bit concerned for her health. Living in a place called Asbest can not be a good thing.

Hello my friend!!!
This letter arrived to you from Russian Internet dating agency “The Relationships”.
This is not spam or other bad things. So, please, answer to me!!!

My name is Tatiana. I’m 32 years old from small city Asbest, 86 km from Ekaterinburg, Russia.
I addressed to agency “The Relationships” and they sent my letter to you.
I want to search man from THE WEST for friendship and love.
I’m not married and have no children. I’m blonde woman with good body and great heart.
I’m open for big love!!! So, please, answer to me if you have interest to me.
I send my photo to you now. I hope that you will like me…

Best regards,
Yours Tatiana

With so much choice, how does one go about picking the one serious love for family creation? And while I meander on the thought of one day speaking with a girl fluent in Russian Bride English, I wish you a happy valentine’s day and that you may not be left without the answer.

I have long held the belief that washing machines can on occasion become accidental portals, which in turn allows travel to other dimensions. It would explain the missing sock phenomena which states that given enough time, you’ll end up with just one half of each pair.

A possible explanation for this, may be due to the centrifugal forces that are created inside a washing machine when it is in spin mode. That, and the combination of all the amazing advancements they’ve integrated into washing powders to give us cleaner than clean clothes. Together. they may be powerful enough to create mini worm wholes, large enough, that something like a sock could disappear in to it. It’s also possible that larger items of clothing might disappear in the same fashion. But because they usually don’t come in pairs, we rarely notice that they were gone in the first place.

A universe filled with missing socks

In other words, it’s more than likely that a universe, in a dimension other than ours, has been turned in to some kind of giant landfill, full of unmatched socks and other missing items.

It then raises the question, if we can build a washing machine big enough, could we send a person through it? And who would volunteer? There’d be no guarantee that one would be able to return back to our world. And spending the rest of you life between mismatched socks is hardly anyone’s idea of paradise.

Traveling back and forth between dimensions

Well, since yesterday, I may have proof that two way travel between our dimensions is possible! Bear with me: I’ve been missing a pair gloves for over a year now. Yesterday, I decided to conduct a full scale search party in the hopes of finding them, but to no avail. Failing to find them, I decided to collect the clothing items that needed to be cleaned, and placed them in my washing machine.

This morning, as I proceeded to empty it, I was surprised to find my missing gloves between the rest of my clothes! The only plausible explanation is that they traveled more than a year ago to another dimension, and then returned this very morning. Two-way inter-dimensional travel therefore must be possible! I can’t imagine the things my gloves have seen, the places they’ve been. But they did return in good condition, so I imagine that were ever went to, it can’t be that hostile for man.

A small spin for man, a giant cleaning for mankind

So if anyone has any ideas on how to build a giant washing machine, it would be greatly appreciated. For if all goes well, it’s very likely we may be on the verge of discovering new worlds and other dimensions. Or at the very least, all our missing socks.

This architectural short film grabbed my attention once I noticed it included the parliament building in Dhaka. I briefly mentioned it in the TEDx post (it includes a link to the video about its history and the life of Nathaniel Kahn, the architect).

This short however starts with some beautiful architectural imagery. It’s filmed in high definition and best viewed full screen. But just when you think that there isn’t that much more to it, it slowly starts to pull you in as a wonderfully strange imaginary world comes to life. One I wouldn’t mind living in to be honest. I was quite impressed by the camera work and first thought it was done with the new range of DSLR’s that support video while offering more depth of field control at affordable prices.

But I was a bit surprised that one would travel all the way to Bangladesh just to film a building. Then I realized the entire movie was created with CGI. Quite impressive as it was all done by one man, Alex Roman, and a lot of time. That it really is all just bits and bytes can be seen here. Real buildings in an unreal world.

A few days ago, a color conspiracy, enacted by women, swept over the social webs to raise awareness and at the same time, pull one over on us men. So now more than ever seems like the appropriate moment to publish an excerpt from the longest ’short’ story I’ve ever written, but decided not to complete. (I happen to be working on something more important right now). Never the less, rather than leaving this to collect dust, I’ve decided to share with you these little wisdoms and what fascinating things the colors of lingerie have to reveal:

Little Black Books

One of the main characters in the story –  a man –  has a tradition amongst his friends, that every time one of them gets married, they have to hand over their little black book to one of the left over bachelors. It’s their way of closing a chapter in their lives. And when they do, they also have to write down in it, a lesson learnt, and worth passing on, that gives an insight in to the mystery, that beholds every woman.

Our character happens to be the last man to remain unmarried. As such, he has managed to acquire all the life lessons of his tied down friends. Of course, not all these lessons are to be taken seriously and many of them are either childish, or either clichés, rather than useful real life lessons. The classic cliché among them being that the perfect breast size is a handful. No more, no less. Clichés are the words of amateurs.

So one of the more intriguing lessons he received, was passed on to him by a friend who was a real player in his day. From his experience, every woman has a distinct style in the way she makes love to a man. He never really took much notice to it, until it started to dawn upon him that one can tell how a woman is in bed beforehand, simply by looking at the color of the lingerie she’s wearing.  And so came about the men’s guide to color theory:

The First Principle: What’s hidden, is most revealing.

The first principle of the theory, even though it is based on an old joke,  remains relevant, because it holds a grain of truth:

As a man shuts the door behind him – as he leaves for a date with the girl of his dreams –  he can only wonder if he’ll get lucky that night.

When a woman shuts the door behind her –  as she is about to embark on the same date with the man of her dreams – she already knows.

Women, in general, always have the last say. So when they do say ‘yes’, they come prepared. And that includes all layers of fashion, from the shoes on her feet, to the dress she is wearing, and the undergarments beneath it. You can be sure that of all her lingerie, she’ll pick her best set that will surely make her feel sexy, and at the least, unembarrassed when the time comes to reveal her true curves. Lingerie says more about themselves, than it does about the person they are trying to impress.

The Second Principle: The different styles of sex.

The second principle of the theory states that sex is like dancing. They come in many forms and styles.  Some people are great dancers, others just shuffle with their feet. Some of us will try out different forms, while the rest us will stick with what we know.  So you can always expect that when you place someone who is dressed like hip hopper on the dance floor, he’ll hip hop. Only a few will dare to tango when the music changes. Same goes for sex. Though we might role play and try some different things to add some spice to the romance, it’s hard to leave our distinctive styles of making love to the same partner.

It also explains why a man in a perfectly happy relationship with a very experienced partner would still cheat on her. It’s not that he’s looking for something better. Sometimes, he just wants to boogie rather than salsa all the time. And of course, the same goes for her motives to do the same. But before you start thinking, just keep in mind, that when it comes to sex and relationships, few are as forgiving to ask, you save the last dance.

The Third Principle: The color guide.

Just like one is inclined to dress according to how they dance, so to do women choose their best lingerie in harmony to the way they make love. But until I’ve taken part in rigorous scientific tests to ensure that the given results are indeed correct, these observations are best not taken too seriously.

Scarlet Red:

Scarlet red is young at heart, eager to please, but inexperienced. Her idea of sex is formed by what she has seen on the silver screen, and influenced by what she reads in ladies magazines. Therefore scarlet red acts the part of the seductress, believing that this is the path to passion. She has a lot to learn

Bordeaux Red:

It would seem that the color red turns darker with the benefit of experience. Lady Bordeaux no longer makes love in a fashion that she thinks is expected of her, but has discovered that she too is an involved partner. Sex is no longer an act, but a form of art in which she plays center stage. Not only is she a master seductress, she will equally demand – and will even be quite vocal about it – that her needs are met as well. In return, Lady Bordeaux might even teach you a thing or two.

Black

Black may very well be the most complex of all colors to decipher. A discerning gentleman must take note, not just of color alone, but also of texture and garment, if he is to determine what he is letting himself into.

Plain Black Cotton:

Miss Black Cotton, just like Scarlet Red, still lacks experience between the sheets. But while the one seeks passion, the other is wild and raw. For in the mind Black Cotton – whom has still to discover that her body has much more to offer – sex is a no nonsense affaire. Foreplay is formality. She would much rather get to the point. Intercourse is the climax she’s hunting for and she’ll ride you like a wild stallion to achieve it. Stubborn, she is difficult to teach and unwilling to be introduced new things. Hopefully time will turn her into a better lover, but for now, you’ll have to make do. It takes stamina to endure her lust.

On the other hand, Miss Black Cotton, could also be an adventurer in hostile conditions, wearing black for practical reasons. As such, she may not really be showing her true colors. Did I already mention that black is a tricky color?

Black Lace:

Of all colors, Lady Blake Lace may be the most classic of them all. She enjoys a bit of everything, but not too much of anything. Although not afraid to experiment, she avoids extremes and prefers moderation. In her heart, meaning is more important than style or adventure. She does not have sex, but instead makes love. And so for her, missionary is not just acceptable, but respectable. Her on top is sufficiently empowering. And to spice things up, there is always doggy for a touch of naughty. And to complete the list, a spoon will make her swoon.

And while it’s not necessarily technical skills that will impress her, it’s quite ok to introduce new positions into play, as long as they are not too complicated or straining. Just keep in mind that with Lady Black Lace, it’s the feeling that counts. It’s the little attentions that make her happy.

Black Velvet: (& Violet aswell)

You will need to keep an open mind when faced with little Miss Velvet. She’s a tad eccentric and possibly even borderline fetish. She lives in a spiritual world, one filled with candles and symbolism. Sex is something she takes seriously. For her, setting and mood is important, almost to the point it is ritual like. With her, it’s probably never boring. You might find yourself with her in strange places, or discover that a full moon is a reason to dive into bed, or an open field.

Blue

Blue is for the girl who is driven by her fantasies. She has a clear idea of what she wants and will settle for no less. She won’t compromise for something else. Unlike with Lady Black, Blue really appreciates style. It’s also very likely that the film “Dirty Dancing” was a moment of epiphany during her formative years.

Deep Blue:

Lady Deep Blue’s state of mind can probably no better be described than by Kylie Minogue’s song “Slow“. For making love to Lady Deep Blue is an intense affair, slow, and with each other’s eyes locked in an embracing gaze. She’s not the type to spill any words when making love. One must communicate with subtle gestures as not to interrupt the flow of the moment.

Pale Blue:

Miss Pale Blue is infatuated by the exotic. It’s probably her curiosity that may have initially driven her to try something a out of the ordinary, but along the way, must have realized that men from exotic places not only dance differently, they also make love differently. And in that sense, to Miss Pale Blue, sex is just a continuation in bed of something that started on the dance floor. As such, making love to her is no simple affair. Especially for us men who are accustomed to doing only a single thing at a time. It requires skill, rhythm and agility. Just like any exotic dance, every part of your body has remain in motion and in sync with hers: moving, grinding, flowing, feeling.

And so the next time you hear the phrase “Once you go black, you never go back”, size may not be the real reason, and more likely the initial sales pitch.

Yellow:

Yellow is a sex kitten and a rare find. She is acutely aware of her seductive prowess and knows very well how to put her skills to good use. She has a natural born talent in winding men around her finger using just her charm. Unsurprisingly, most women see her as a threat.

Sex with little Miss Yellow is an experience its own right. One might as well just sit back and enjoy as she takes full control and plays you like a toy. She is very assertive in bed, constantly teasing, seducing and having a ball. Don’t be surprised to find yourself gasping for air as you try to keep up with her antics. And it’s probably because she enjoys sex so much she’s surprisingly experienced for her age.

Mixed Match:

Miss Mixed Match doesn’t really care about how she looks. Why spend time and money on lingerie if it’s going to end up on the bedroom floor within seconds anyway? Miss Mixed is the girl next door, and may even be a little bit of a tomboy. For she prefers the company of boys rather than girls. Sex with her is a playful game: something not to be taken too seriously. She’s the girl who is most likely to initiate a cushion fight while making out and will end up wrestling with, before continuing what you started.

Orange:

Pop open a Heineken and celebrate. It’s very likely Miss Orange is a Dutch girl out on a special occasion.

White

It goes without saying that white is the color of innocence and for whom sex is not taken to lightly. In fact, making love to a lady white is like signing a contract of long term commitment.

White Cotton:

Miss White Cotton is the inexperienced clumsy partner in bed. Her insecurity makes her feel a bit nervous and perhaps even somewhat passive. But that does not necessarily mean you’ll have bad sex, quite the contrary. She’s probably the type that will later evolve into becoming a Black Lace lady as her confidence grows. Success with Miss White Cotton is measured by meaning and feeling rather than by technical skill. With her, something as simple as missionary can be magical. But trying anything too complicated or ambitious may very well end up in disaster.

White Lace:

Miss White Lace is the make-believe virgin. She has probably had more prior lovers than she’s willing to admit, but this time round, she’s sure you’re the one. And you better make sure that is the case or there will be hell to pay. As such, making love to her is a bit of a neurotic experience. A rollercoaster ride. Any hint that may endanger your relationship or make her feel insecure will spell trouble. Emotionally, she’s high maintenance. But if you love the passion of big fights followed by making-up sex, she’s your girl.

Pink or Peach

Miss Pink is naively romantic and preciously passive. If in bed, she shows any sign of initiative, it’ll be for hugs and cuddles. Otherwise, she’ll expect you to take the lead and do all the work. If you don’t know any better, have low expectations or simply love always being in control, then perhaps, she’s a dream. Otherwise, she’ll quickly tire with little chance of the both of you living happily ever after.

Deep Purple:

You Tarzan, she Jane! Miss Deep Purple is a jungle girl. She’s into rough wild animal sex. Loud and energetic, it takes quite some endurance to keep up with her as she shows you all four corners of the room. If you ever wanted to try out every position described in the Kama sutra, she’s probably the woman you want to take along with you on this crazy venture. And a wild ride it would be.

Emerald Green:

Unless she’s Irish, Mrs. Emerald Green is the wedding ring amongst the lingerie colors. She already in a relationship with a partner or a husbands somewhere. So if by chance, you should come across her, it’s most likely she’s just out for a fling. Mrs.Emerald Green is seeking a brief encounter of excitement to spice up her life. Making love to her can quickly become a strange cocktail of fantasy, seduction, control and guilt (and possibly even jealous partners). You just can’t tell what you’re getting yourself into with Emerald Green.

In Conclusion

And with that overview, I leave you with just one final question. What is your favorite color? ;)

This one is truly a little gem. Especially if you have very young unruly kids running about. Not only will this lovely animation creep them out and give them nightmares, they’ll  never hassle you in a toyshop ever again.
The story starts with a child that’s lured into a toy shop.. and from there, I’ll say no more. Just enjoy…

Boy meets girl in an elevator. Boy likes girl. Boy too scared to ask her out. So far, so typical. However; this is not your every-day-garden-variety-love-story.

Just when you think his situation is nothing more than awkward at best, the film takes a turn for the strange. Our boy not only invites an odd bedfellow into his life, it is through this curious action, that he is led to believe that there might be more to this girl than meets the eye.

A young man sitting in a departure hall – hurting over broken dreams – is approached by a traveling salesman. With him, he carries a unique proposition: he sells the future. The young man, skeptical of what he is being offered, and puzzled how seeing the future could possibly repair events gone wrong in the past, takes a peak into our salesman’s attaché case. His face turns to amazement.

At this point, I was expecting a MacGuffin, a term coined by Alfred Hitchcock. It’s a plot device that has no other use than to further the story along. So I was expecting a Pulp Fiction moment, were the case is opened and starts emitting a golden glow as bystanders look at its content in amazement. But to us, the viewer, the contents is never revealed. It’s merely a prop that gives its characters a reason worth killing for. So in the end, it doesn’t matter if it is gold or a fresh batch of tasty Royale with cheese.

So great was my surprise that in this little short, we actually afforded a peek inside the case. And I have to admit that I too watched in amazement. He actually was selling the future. Our young man decides to seize the moment, but at what cost?